Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Field

My eyes, heavy with crust from an unwanted sleep, open up to the sky. A deep red glow from above permeates everything, and it feels like anger on the rise. "My heart is up there in that sky," I think. Caustic trails of smoke glide through the air and hang with impertinence and I can't shake the thought of not being able to breathe. I inhale as I must. The poison air feels like slithering worms that chew chasms from my lungs to the rest of my body. Each breath sends me into a fit of throat spasms and coughing.

A tremendous field stretches before me as far as I can see. I have heard of this place. On several occasions I had been told it was wrought from pure terror. I had wondered when I would be sent here. The unchecked expanse of the field demolishes my spirit. My eyes even yearn for blindness so this crushing blow can be blotted from my view. It is at times like these when I wonder if, perhaps, I’m unlucky, having been blessed with the ability to see so clearly the true wretchedness of things. The field resembles the terrain of a desert, offering mostly gentle slopes with an occasional short cliff. And despite the gradual landscape, the field is a severe host of unparalleled and continuous pain. It teems with sheets of torn metal, some large and mangled, standing like grotesque trees and others the size of slivers, waiting with barbs to tear my skin and anchor into my flesh. For every piece of metal there is also a piece of glass. Piles of it litter the ground in every direction while larger pieces - clear, curved and jagged - jut into the sky as wicked spires.

I have no shoes, so I begin to run barefoot. I have no choice. I have been forced here because of my willingness to trust the untrustworthy, because of my willingness to put myself in harm's way for those who eventually don't deserve such sacrifice. And, what's more, if my gait slows, then something more horrific than glass and metal will cut me. I recall the many warnings, that grave and serious voice of the child. She told me about the Blood Thieves. They will come after me. They know I'm weak. They want my blood. They want to push my body to the edge of life over and over again, to feed them forever. I scan the horizon in all directions. I don’t see them . . . yet.

Through the field I run carefully as I can, but my effort still fails to avoid the lacerations and tears. Some gouges are deep. On the worst wounds my skin recedes like a slug stabbed with a sharp stick, exposing the fat and muscle beneath. At each cut, my skin falls slack and begins to flap in the rushing wind. These flaps of skin become thousands of wretched personal flags . . . banners of terror, of seething anger, of epic disappointment . . . and of sadness that, with the most fiendish malevolence, could detract the happiest of smiles. My blood pours and pours onto the field, painting the glass and metal with dark red.

I hear the first of the shrieks. From afar, they sound like woeful birds of prey, hungry and desperate. Their hunt is in full stride. Their malignant cries are accompanied by the sound of glass shattering and metal warbling as thunder as the field's debris gives way to their frenzied march. I steal a shaky glance toward their incessant noise and I see the first of them mount the crest of a glittering hill. They spot me and the volume of their shrieks pierce the air and smoke, causing the nearest sheets of glass to fly apart. I can see the drool and froth shimmer from their corners of their mouths. I pick up the pace.

I'm now running from a century of Blood Thieves, malefactors frantic to drink of the nutrition I leave behind on slabs of glass and clamoring for the chance . . . the chance to pick at my severed veins and point them into their selfish, greedy mouths. They are relentless and indiscriminate. I can hear them screaming and groaning as they grow nearer. Soon, I will see the full breadth of their disfigured bodies, their ugly faces. They are the epitome of humans taking, taking, and taking – all around, the most wretched of human parasites. I'm in their territory and all I can think about is getting to the end of this field, where their strength wanes and mine doubles.

But even the outermost borders of this awful field will not stop the stronger ones. They will follow me home and visit me from time to time as uninvited guests. Blood Thieves are always uninvited. They will enter my home by force and, sometimes - in my weaker moments - with my consent. They'll pull out their blood kits and stick me with crusty needles attached to tubes, and I'll watch my nutrition flow and gurgle unto them. I'll be able to kick them out eventually, but none of this will be possible unless I can make it home, unless I can remember what I am worth.

I keep running. I trip and suffer the misfortune of being embraced by a thorny, metallic tree. The Blood Thieves arrive at my heels and begin shrieking . . . oh, the hideous shrieking, the screams of my forthcoming downfall. They surround me with steaming hot wire brushes and employ them ferociously, rubbing salt into my wounds to add flavor . . . and pain. I pass out briefly and then regain consciousness to the sound of ravenous chewing and evil snickering.

And then, I realize there is something inside of me that they can't possibly eat away. It is a pure, unchecked will bred from my past, a perseverance sourced from titans, a knowledge of the generous love I am apt to share. I tap into this reservoir, a hidden chamber of my heart. There, I find a resilience that many forget to cultivate, especially as they overlook taking care of themselves.

I free myself from the strangling tree by biting at my own flesh. I burst forth from claws and teeth. The Blood Thieves reach for me desperate for more of my good nature. They wail and fight to keep me down. They fall away one by one, and, beyond my own expectations, I stand . . . I find the wherewithal to lunge forward and keep running. I know too well the notions of give and take. I know the pain can't go on forever. I know the demons can't live long outside of its borders. I know . . . this vast field has an end.